every breath we drew was hallelujah
by Last Girl Standing
Summary: he's just a boy who fell in love with summer and she's just a girl who should've known better. jamesnarcissa, slight au. tiny hints of jameslily and narcissalucius. companion to 'AllIKnowIsADoorInTheDark's 'love is not a victory march'.


**summary: **he's just a boy who fell in love with summer and she's just a girl who should've known better. jamesnarcissa, slight au. tiny hints of jameslily and narcissalucius.

* * *

_I always say how I don't need you  
But it's always gonna come right back to this  
Please, don't leave me_

_How did I become so obnoxious?_  
_What is it with you that makes me act like this?_  
_I've never been this nasty_  
_Can't you tell that this is all just a contest?_  
_The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest_  
_But baby I don't mean it_  
_I mean it, I promise_

* * *

_part i: first year_

* * *

She rolls her eyes as Mum kisses her forehead goodbye - she is not a little girl, for Merlin's sake! "Remember, Narcissa, you're here to make contacts and acquaintances," Druella tells her youngest on July thirty first. Narcissa knows the drill - this is Bella's seventh and last summer doing this, staying at the Leaky Cauldron until August twenty eighth and Andy's fourth, and they've told her all about it. She's not a child who forgets everything, she'll be at Hogwarts in a month!

Narcissa nods dutifully because she's the good girl, sweetheart with lacy stockings up to the knee, a little blond eleven year old bottle of pureblood perfection, and good girls listen to their Mothers and please their Fathers.

Druella walks the three young ladies to their rooms, critiquing their appearances with the eye of a hawk. It isn't for what feels like eternity {in reality, it's only twenty minutes}, Druella disappears with a crack! and the three young women to be are left alone.

Bellatrix leaves immediately with an excuse of 'meeting up with a few friends', which means she's going to see the LeStrange brothers and pick on some dirty mudbloods, and Andromeda goes to unpack and organize things immediately because that's how Andromeda is.

Narcissa contemplates unpacking, but this is the first time she's been on her own like an already grown woman, so she darts into Diagon Alley without a second thought, bags at the foot of her temporary bed.

She heads for Flourish and Blotts first. She can get it done quick enough, get her robes, then Fortescue's for ice cream.

She's getting her charms book when a boy with about ten Quidditch books {_'a bit obsessive if you ask me,' _Narcissa thinks, but doesn't say it because she's a polite young lady and they don't comment on people's quirks and obsessions without at least knowing their name} and a bunch of school books. They both fall down and his glasses clatter to the floor.

"Ow!" he says, feeling around for his glasses, and for a tiny little moment she's stuck in his hazel eyes that are oh so lovely and bad Narcissa! Do not become a boy obsessed girl. So she pulls away as he says, "Watch it!"

"Watch it?" She snaps back, and oh, little miss perfect blonde pureblood is floating away. "You bumped into me!"

"You were in the way!" he slides the glasses onto his face. "Who are you, anyway? And where are your parents? Aren't you like, nine?"

"Narcissa Black!" she snaps at him testily. "I'm eleven! I don't need my parents to be holding my hand all the time, unlike you!"

"A Black? Should've figured. You're all stuck up and crazy. The names James Potter, by the way." he gathers up his books and stands up, a foot taller than her when she rises.

She punches him in the chest, hard, and giggles a bit as he falls to the floor, grabbing her school books and paying.

Her chocolate ice cream at Fortescue's a little while later tastes like victory.

...

It gets worse on day three of twenty eight {and counting!}. This is, of course, when James gets bored.

He throws dungbombs in her brand new, shiny toed, black Mary Jane's before breakfast that morning, then asks {loudly!} if she farted. She practically growls like a puppy that, no, she hasn't, and he plays innocent.

Their argument is interrupted by the scraping noise of Bellatrix moving over with the smirk she always has when teasing someone. Narcissa sends up a silent prayer the victim is James, not her.

"You're new at this, aren't you, Potter?" Bellatrix's tone makes her sound chiding and giggling at once. She's the only one amused. "When you like a girl, you shouldn't prank her! That'll only drive her away!"

Narcissa chokes on her eggs, letting out an indignant cry of "Bella!" while James splutters out a denial.

* * *

_part ii: third year_

* * *

It's her third year doing this, and still Druella feels the need to tell Narcissa and Andromeda, repeatedly, why they were here and how to act. Andromeda fixes her skirt, and stares at her shoes nervously, while Narcissa nods like a good young lady to be.

As soon as Druella leaves, Andromeda rushes to unpack, saying she has half an hour to unpack and look her best, because she's meeting a 'friend'. Narcissa raises her eyebrows and 'hmm's with approval before darting into Diagon Alley.

She goes straight to Fortescue's, getting a chocolate ice cream to prep her for a day of intense shopping. She looked around, seeing no open seats.. except for the one in the corner, across from a moping James Potter. She walked over, smiling primly as she sat down across from him, smoothing her skirt. "What's wrong, Potter? Evans reject you.. _again?_" James sighs at her.

"Why're you even here, Black?"

"There are no other free seats." Narcissa shrugs, taking a bite of ice cream. "Honestly, it's not a surprise. You're always harassing Severus, and she obviously cares for him quite.. _dearly."_

James curls his lip into a sneer. "Lily doesn't care for him! She feels sorry for him, that's all. Who could like Snivellus? The greasy git." He throws down his spoon with a clatter and crosses his arms.

"He could be quite nice, if you weren't such an arse all time." Narcissa's lips curl into a superior smile. "She obviously likes 'the greasy git' more than _you,_ Potter." She's ticking him off and, oh, is it fun.

"Well maybe if _he_ wasn't such an arse he'd have a few more friends and Lily wouldn't have to pity him so much!" James glares at Narcissa, sighing frustratedly at her.

"Whatever you say, Potter. It all comes down to this," Narcissa points her spoon at him. "Your precious 'Lilyflower' hates you."

"She does not hate me. She just...doesn't know she likes me yet," James tells her unconvincingly. "If Snape weren't taking up so much of her time, maybe I could have a chance. Why does he even talk to her anyway? Thought all of your lot hated Muggleborns? Or does Snape realise how stupid that is?"

"She hates you." Narcissa says calmly, nibbling on her ice cream. "Besides, Snape's a half blood. So he isn't part of 'my lot'."

"Hate is a strong word. Lily doesn't hate me. Lily's too nice for hatred," James tries, running his hand through his hair. "So Snape doesn't even fit in with your lot... Poor bastard. No wonder Evans feels sorry for him. Even a bunch of Slytherins wouldn't give him the time of day."

"Too nice for hatred?" Narcissa laughs. "She threw you out a window! It was the highlight of my day!"

"I- I fell. Look, that doesn't matter!" James says hurriedly, waving his hands about. "What matter is that Lily is a Gryffindor, and Gryffindors stick with Gryffindors, okay? She'll realise that soon enough."

"Do you now?" Narcissa rolls her eyes. "Wow, you're all nutters. If one was drowning, would you all drown too?"

"Don't be ridiculous," James scoffs. "We'd save the drowning one! How many of your little Slytherin buddies do you think would save you if your fell in the lake?"

"None. You fell, you should save your bloody self." Narcissa rolls her eyes, and they're harsh words from a thirteen year old's mouth, but they're oh so true.

"And yet you're all so quick to cling to each other trying to scramble to the top, aren't you? That's the thing with Slytherins; even when they're being nice, you know they only care about themselves."

"At least we aren't idiots, unlike you stupid Gryffindors," Narcissa rolls her eyes. "Only seeing the best in people, that'll bite you all in the arse."

"It's not idiotic to care about people, Narcissa," James says quietly. "If anything, it's idiotic not to."

"It is idiotic to only trust people." she snaps back. "Giving them the perfect way to stab you in the back."

"Sometimes you have to take risks," James tells her, meeting her eyes.

"Not to the degree of utter stupidity." Narcissa scoffs, finishing off her ice cream and standing up. "I don't have time for this." She stands up and storms off to go shop.

...

It's August twenty eighth. Tomorrow morning, they both go back.

It's kinda funny - they've come to rely on each other, in a twisted sense. It's their bit of flawless normalcy during the fourweekstwentyeightdays they're at the Leaky Cauldron.

It's eleven PM, and they're eating an extremely late dinner. She flicks his forehead, and he lets out a "Hey!" but he's laughing too. They make jabs at each other, neither having straight faces before more than a moment.

{their agreement is silent, but they know it all to well - this is only for the twenty eight days they're here - at Hogwarts, Slytherins and Gryffindors don't mix]

He makes a joke and she bursts out laughing. It's not even that funny, but this is the last time they can do this until July 31st next year, so she laughs and laughs. She stops to catch her breath and looks at him and they fall over laughing, Tom looking amusedly at them. Anyone who saw them wouldn't believe it was her - Narcissa was a proper lady to be, not a rowdy wild woman like this.

At midnight, Tom sends them to bed, and she whispers "Good night, James," as she kisses his cheek real quickly before sprinting to her room.

* * *

_part iii: fifth year_

* * *

Narcissa waits until midnight to run to their spot in the Leaky Cauldron dining room. It's a little spot in the corner, and it's theirs alone.

He's leaning on the wall, and he grins at her lopsidedly. "Hey, Black." he says playfully.

"Hey, Potter." She hugs him tightly. He hugs her tiny form back, picking her up a bit. He perches his head on her shoulder, or else it'd be in her breasts. "What have you been doing?! You haven't mirrored with me all summer!" He had given her a mirror at the end of last summer. Which he hadn't used.

"I've been busy," he mumbles and clutches her tighter.

Narcissa rolls her eyes.

"Hey, Narcissa..." he starts, and she falls into his playful rhythm of corny jokes and odd pranks.

...

On the final night at the Leaky Cauldron, James finds himself sitting at the bottom of the stairs, thigh to thigh with Narcissa.  
He isn't quite sure how they ended up here, and the light have long since gone out, but still they still on the hard wooden staircase, legs touching, teeth chattering.

And yet it's wonderful, because this summer has been the best so far.

Being with James is something interesting, maybe something along the lines of perfection. It's only teasing and playful bickering, games and tricks they laugh off at two am. He's a sweetheart, and you don't find those in Slytherin house.

They just sits there beside her, cracking jokes and him making fun of her family and asking questions.

"Your sister is insane though, you can't deny that!" he teases her, and they both know it's the truth.

"Bella's not insane, she's just...different, I suppose," She tells him, but she doesn't believe a word of it. "Whatever, Potter. You're just jealous because you know she could kick your sorry arse."

James raises his eyebrows and his tone is joking as he tells her, "Now, Narcissa. We don't say things like that when we know they aren't true."

Narcissa shoves him and laughs, and James laughs back, and there is a brief moment of contentment as they sit and smile and think.

Narcissa rests her head on James' shoulder and sighs. Neither of them speaks for a moment. They listen to the stillness around them, the silence of a house of sleeping people. Maybe there's music, somewhere in the distance, and it's like a lullaby. Narcissa falls asleep listening to their breathing and the music that's just out of reach, so she doesn't know what happens next.

"I miss our fights sometimes," James whispers.

Silence.

He looks down at Narcissa and feels a small smile tug at his lips. She is fast asleep, her eyelashes tickling her cheeks as they flutter in her sleep, her mouth opened just a tiny bit, her breathing slower than before.

She's even more beautiful when she's asleep, even more perfect.

With a muffled grunt, James stands up, hoisting Narcissa up in his arms like a damsel in distress. She'd hate this, but Narcissa doesn't know - wont know - what James is doing to her right now.

He carries her carefully up the stairs, swings open her bedroom door and finds her covers already peeled back. He walks to the bed and gently lays her down, laying her head back tenderly and watching how her hair catches the light of the moon even through the window on the other side of the room.

Slowly, James pulls the covers up over her feet, tucking her in, and he thinks that if she were awake she might punch him.  
But she's not, and so James whispers, "Goodnight, Cissy," and kisses her softly on the forehead.

* * *

_part iv: seventh year_

* * *

It's nights like these Narcissa loves.

It's cloudless and the almost but not quite full moon shines down on them as they walk. They're being playful and laughing like hell because it's only been twelve hours since noon when they met up again. The light gleams off his glasses and her hair is loose for once, curls bouncing around her shoulders. She giggles at what he says, and he leans against the Diagon Alley entrance.

Nights like these are Narcissa and James' favorite nights, when the moonlight falls through windows and along paths and they can walk and be alone.

He makes another joke and she laughs. She'd nevereverever admit it, but she fancies him, just a little bit.

She stares at him for a tiny moment, and what happens next is on an impulse, unlike the polite young woman she normally was. Maybe he drives her crazy in that way.

She leans over and kisses him.

His arms fit perfectly around her waist as he pulls her closer.

The silly thing called air steps in, and they break, forehead to forehead.

"What are we?" he whispers.

"I don't know." she whispers back.

...

A few nights later, they sit outside at night-time, watching the stars strewn like glitter across the darkening sky. James holds Narcissa close, as if afraid that the gentle summer breeze might blow her away. She quite likes this position.

"Do you think it can stay this way?" Narcissa asks quietly, and even though there's hope in her voice, she wants him to lie to her. She needs him to lie to her.

"See that? That's the Dog Star," he says, pointing towards the sky. She smiles sadly at him, before looking back at the sky.

"There's Andromeda," he says, poking her in the ribs and nodding towards the sky. She knows all this by heart, but she likes to hear him talk.

"I know where Andromeda is," she says. "And over there...that's Gamma Orionis. Better known as Bellatrix."

"Where's Narcissa then?" James asks her, peering at the pinpricks of light that seem to stretch on forever.

"Nowhere. I'm not a star," she says with a smile. "I'm a flower. The Narcissus flower. Guess you have a thing for girls with flower names after all, eh?"

James chuckles lightly and glances down at her.

"You talk an awful lot for a flower," he murmurs, his lips ghosting against her forehead.

"Shut me up," she teases.

"Gladly."

And they kiss once again beneath the twinkling stars, all thoughts of sisters and flowers and unanswered questions gone, and James wishes he could stay here forever.

...

It's day twenty five {twenty five twenty five only three more days until they go back to the real world no no no} when everything is ruined.

I's early in the morning when an owl pecks on Narcissa's window. She's already up, hair tied back and reorganizing her trunk, when she lets the owl - Father's owl - inside. It demands a treat and she gives it one, and it drops the letter. She strokes it's head and finishes her packing.

She picks up the letter and scans the page, dropping it with wide eyes.

_Darling Narcissa,_

_It has been officiated! You and Lucius Malfoy are to be wed te summer after your last year - August first is what we've decided! Your Mother and I are proud of you for bringing pride back to our family, my daughter, and fixing the shame Andromeda brought upon us. _

_Your Father_

And Narcissa cries.

...

It's almostnotquite midnight on the last night. They're outside the Leaky Cauldron, where they first got together. An end at the place of a beginning. How poetic.

They both have things to say.

"Can I go first?" James asks excitedly. "I mean, you can if you want..."

"No, go ahead," Narcissa says.

"Narcissa, I lov-" Narcissa chokes.

"James, this has to end! It can't continue!"

James' expression breaks and he lets out a soft "Why?"

She can't answer.

"One last kiss?" she asks. "Please?"

He wraps his arms around her waist, and the kiss is full of passion and heat and maybe love.

But they have to break.

"Narcissa..."

She pulls out of his grip, tears in her eyes {traitors!} and she stares at the ground. "Good bye, James Potter..." and with a crack, Narcissa is gonegonegone.

She falls into bed, crying. She should've saw this coming. She should've _known _better.

But in her moment of weakness, maybe she was just a bit stupid. 'Sometimes, you have to take risks.' he told her, so long ago. Maybe she shouldn't have, not when her heart was on the line. Maybe..

...

* * *

_part v: post_

* * *

So James forgot her and remembered Lily, but she always was in the very back of his mind. And Narcissa, Narcissa didn't love again, trapped with Lucius and pretending it was James.

Years later, Harry was on the ground, and for a moment, she saw James. For a moment, she's seventeen, as she pronounces, "He is dead!" because Harry Potter is the only link to James she has. It's a risk, but didn't you have to take those? She learned that from him.

Still, Lucius dies only a night later, and finally, she can cry out James again.. He always stayed with her, as if that summer never came to end and August Twenty Ninth never happened.

* * *

_Is it over yet?  
Can I open my eyes?  
Is this as hard as it gets?  
Is this what it feels like to really cry?  
Cry_

_If anyone asks,_  
_I'll tell them we just grew apart_  
_Yeah what do I care_  
_If they believe me or not_  
_Whenever I feel_  
_Your memory is breaking my heart_  
_I'll pretend I'm okay with it all_  
_Act like there's nothing wrong_


End file.
